Change

so today i hung out with a really close friend of mine, we haven't seen each other since the summer so it was really good to chill with her again, however, she said that i've changed, and that i'm just not the same person anymore. It was really hard to take it in i guess, mainly because of two reasons.

first, is that this change has made me to face this fact that i've been ignoring for a long time, that her and i just aren't the same anymore, and we are just not that close anymore. i still remember the time when we used to call each other every week and just talk about the random things, and boys and all that fun stuff, and now things just aren't the same anymore. it's not like it's awkward to tell her stuff or anything, but we've both learned to keep certain things away from each other instead of telling each other everything. this is making me really sad, just seeing good friends drifting away from you, and it's just hard to let go. I've always had a hard time saying good bye. Going from elementary school to middle, or middle school to high school, i'm always the one trying to hold on to the friendship, but only realizing it way later that you've both changed, and the distance between you two is just getting further and further apart. my friend says that it's just life, well i agree with her, some people just leave your life as other enter at the same time, but just this reality is quite depressing, because you can still remember the things that you used to do together......i don't know....

second reason is just the fact that i've changed. it's really something that i can't deny, because i know that i've really become this person i definitely was not 2 or 3 years ago. but i'm thinking, have i really changed? or i've always had this in me, and it's just finally showing up? and i just thought about this song by J-Lo, "i'm still i'm still jenny from the block", hmm i feel like i'm still the same person in a way, but only with a few more things or layers or whatever. hmmm and maybe he was right, that person who hurted me the most, when he said that i was becoming this person, maybe he saw it before anyone else, even before myself. i'm really okay with it, in a way, cuz i'm just having fun, enjoying the freedom and being careless, but then just the idea of whom i've become, which is someone that i've sorta always made fun of. i really don't know if i've changed for the better, or the worse...or maybe both?

home sweet home

home tomorrow

going home tomorrow right after ob exam, oh boy am i excited? haven't really left home for so long before, it's different. can't really say that it took me long to get used of it, but at the time i do really miss home, just the idea of being with your family is quite nice.

in the past 4 months, i feel like i've really changed a lot, some for the worse some for the better....well i've become a lot lazier!! like waking up at noon is pretty normal for me, and eating 2 regular meals, breakfast becomes lunch, lunch become dinner, dinner becomes midnight snacks..oh but i did become better in some aspects, i've started actually cleaning my own room, keeping it tidy, sorta tidy, more than before anyway..oh and i actually care about school and worry about school now, whereas before i've never stressed about much....

so the things i love about college:

1. the freedom, definitely the freedom, and especially for me. well if u knew me from calgary, you probably know that i'm never allowed to hang out with friends, so now without the crazy control of my parents, i'm allowing myself to go out whenever i want, but it's not the same as going out all the time, like i said, i actually worry about school now, so i chose when i can and when i can't, and most of the nights out have been absolutely amazing

2. the nights out! hmm well if u want me to count the parties i've been to since september, i probably can't remember all of it, althou there have been some special nights i think i'd probably remember for the rest of my life. such as graffiti night. man was it sick!! and i was even a little too drunk to remember a lot of it, it was still really great, some other nights at the frats pretty sweet too, although it's a long walk from here to there oh well

3. the campus, not to brag or anything, but i love the campus, it's soo pretty, and just the fact that it has a beach 5 min from where i live is entirely awesome! now it's pretty cold to go down there, but everytime i've been down there, there's always a special memory to it....defs the spot to lay back and relax, and just enjoy the silence of the nights and energy of being young, and the worry-less feeling

4. my roomate. so thank goodness that i have the roommate that i have...i've seen so many people complaining so much about their roommates, just because there are just so many people who don't know how to respect each other, also at the same time don't know how to deal with these problems, being the princes and princesses they are. she's so down to earth and genuine. by having a roommate, i've really learned how to live with someone else, care about someone else, but at the same time keep the distance so we don't get sick of each other...can't wait to have an apartment of four next year!

so here are all the things i love about college. it defs is great!

enough talking for tonight, got my OB final tomorrow, still gotta go over the first half of the book tomorrow..so i'll talk to all you later =)

.

STOP

serenity

so i'm listening to the athletes right now, and i'm just feeling the serenity inside my heart, for the first time in a really time. It's really amazing how just one song, could remind you so much, but yet not much at the same time. It's almost like an abstract picture forms in your head, you remember the feeling, the thoughts, but just not the details.

Athletes, I really haven't listened to them for a really long time, partially i just haven't really had the mood, the peaceful feeling you have to have to truly enjoy this band, because when you slow down, and avoid everything noise in your life, the music becomes your heart beat, and just feel the relaxed beats and sound. and one thing i really like about them, is that they are not trying to be indie, not trying too hard to be different and sacrifice the true meaning of music, because nowadays, too much music is only there for the sake to be there, different for the sake to be different. and this band, i guess really is my virgin indie music group, never really listened to anything other than R&B or hip hop before this. i still remember listening to this whole new genre of music with matt, on the coach bus on the way to nelson. we listened to a lot of music, but i really just remember the athlete and scout for girls. and so we just listened to his music, sitting in the dark bus, watching sakatch talking to other people, and the lights of other cars and how they drove passed us. we didn't talk much. that's the kinda happiness i had with him, the quiet type.

hmm enough of commenting on music and reminiscing , this post was supposed to be a reflection on my inner peace. well i guess i could explain part of how i feel to how late it is. it's 1:46 right now, and also the fact that i finished my second final, out of 5. yesterday i just wrote my first one, calculus, i really didn't mind it all that much, kinda got used to of not being to answer a question or two from the tests, but it really was really two and half hours of intense brain blasting, being so rushed trying to finish all the questions but still trying to avoid stupid mistakes, and after that was another countless hours of studying and stressing about spanish, although i still have 3 more to go, but i feel so much more relieved already.

yesterday threw everything at me - this really is my favourite song by them, but i can never remember song title, well i finally found it, and it was amazing as ever

and now i just feel i'm done talking for the night, goodnight

and ps.

this person just kinda popped into my life again, but i really, really don't get you. as grateful as i am that you are here, and enjoy you being here, i just can't put my fingers around you. what are you really about?

I really admire

you

are

just

so

honest

about

your

thoughts

&

feelings

,

i

really

wish

i

could

do

the

same

.

and

not

having

to

worry

about

if

anyone

would

know

how

i

feel

Things to be misunderstood

too many things,

we over analyse,

and others,

we don't analyse it enough,

so why do we always do the opposite from what we are suppose to do.

alright so today, I've had 2 incidents, all have something to do with over analyzing, but interesting enough, i misunderstood the meaning for one, and my message got misunderstood for the other. so i'm just feeling the need to talk about it.

so why? why do we do this, is it the receiver's fault or the sender's fault. i guess both, since we could be sending out the message or we are just over analytical, but the point is, that its really annoy. we get our hopes up, or we start freaking out about nothing. and yes, i'm talking about boys and girls, but i mean, is it your fault if ur just friendly to the opposite sex, and they start to think otherwise? and what's wrong with treating the opposite the same way as the same sex?

i don't know, we don't always say the smartest things at the right times. and on the other side, if we do misunderstand what other people are doing/saying, are we hoping/thinking for otherwise? cuz sometimes, you don't really start to see the "signs" once you've started that thought, thinking about that possibility. like you don't think about how someone could like because of the things they've been doing, unless if u ask yourself: do they like me? oh maybe they do, since they did this and that...well i guess it's like in othello, he didn't really think that his wife was cheating on him, till that bad dude told him to think about it, and watch for the signs, and then it became true for othello, altho it really was all in his head, but then anything friendly his wife did with the other dude, all became the signs that they were getting freaky in the bed....

but..i guess there really isn't anyway to stop it, since we always try to fill out those missing pieces of informations with our curiosity and imagination.

hmmm maybe more direct communication would help, instead of figuring it out in your head...but then it just becomes awkward...maybe...but then it's only awkward if u make it awkward...

I've got these things to say to you

- i really don't understand you, you are either delusional, or have multiple-personality, or you are just a player, i really don't believe in that possibility, of this being true

- i'm sick and tired of you talking about it, i really don't care that much, so find someone else

- maybe it's sign, just that i should STOP what i'm doing, it is not the most honourable thing to do ever

- i'm glad that i'm all over it now, but kinda wish i wasn't at the same time, i think i'm still holding onto that tiny possibility despite everything else

- you are a bitch, what the hell happened? cuz whatever u did, was rude!

- i felt like: the ice is getting thinner!!

Finally, I've got time.........who am I kidding?

So i'm feeling the need to write another blog since i haven't really update anything lately, anyway i just sorta finished my ob project, still got a few questions before i can actually finish it but for now i've done all i can.

honestly, it's been so busy lately, like crazy busy! i think i've never stayed up so late doing work before, EVER! so this is a first =p well i've made a study schedule this weekend already so looks like i'm gonna start the the final madness by the beginning of next week, which, leaves me this weekend, the last weekend to party hard, and by hard I mean probably getting the most trashed i've ever been in my life, sounds like a plan? hahah....well it has been really stressful since my midterms, and since i have like a midterm each week so i haven't really had a chance to lay back and not worry about anything

umm so what else is new, i finally got my second math midterm back, and it's only 72%, i'm a little angry since i didn't have to take this class but i thought about how it could boost my average up, and then i took it, but seeing now it really isn't that much better than my other classes, even english, my worst subject ever. but speaking of english, i definitely have the best eng prof ever...the story starts with the fact that i have english 3 times a week at 8 in the morning, and really i'm not the definition of morning person, so what i'm getting is that i haven't been to many classes, but i talked to my prof on sunday about my attendance, and she's being really nice about it, and told me all i gotta do is to do some extra assignments to make up for it..oh and she also gives me really good marks in english too! and it's weird since i 've always gotten worse marks than what i'm getting now...just hope that final wont be too bad

hopefully they scale my math mark!!

umm that's about it, life really is all about school right now and it sucks...oh well i'll be done by dec 17 and then i shall be free!! oh and i get to drive too!!!

Let's Take A Lil' Break

Alright boys and girls, it is currently 2:44 in the morning and i'm feeling quite awake to be honest...probably cuz of the monster....hmm speaking of monsters, i've probably consumed more energy drinks since university than i've had all my life before uni. i really don't understand why people think it taste nasty...it's quite tasty i like it =D, and it just taste like pop..a lil different that's all...hmm so wouldn't that be like discrimination against energy drinks because they are bigger and called a different name? humm i really am blabbing about nothing

back on track, i wanted to write about my plans and anticipations and worries for the next lil while
1. spanish midterm 2 on friday, so i have a little bit more than 24 hours to study for it, i'm quite worried, since there's a lot of memorization going on, and they mark pretty precisly so missing accents is gonna take off a lot of marks, sad face

2. finished my 2nd last midterm today, felt pretty good about it, timing was really really tight but i managed to "finish" all the questions, besides this question that i just felt like i had no way to do it, so i just kinda ignored, all i did was pretty much just skimming thru the question, without really understanding what it was asking. as for everything else was pretty good, cept the graphing on the last part and also that shirt and pants one, it was really different and really never seen any question like that so hopefully i guessed it right

3. i've had shwayze's GET U HOME stuck in my head the whole day, it's a good song, but kinda really plain, nothing like BUZZIN', cuz that is defs the best song by them i don't care what others say..it really just makes me wanna lay back relax and feel the ocean breeze brushing my face

4. besides spanish, i still need to finish my comm 299 presentation write up tomorrow which really suck seeing that i don't really have all that much time to study for span already

5. have OB final prject next thursday and eng final essay next next week, and after that it's final exam time so it's pretty hectic, don't really have a break from midterms to finals

6. althought i'm really excited to go back to calgary, to drive, to hang out with friends, to go out to clubs, and hit the hills (yeah this is making me sound like i'm a pro, but i'm really not that good at snowboarding at all, just started two winters ago, but neverthless, it's still tons of fun, and you really get not other feeling like it)

7. music pick for now: 1. SHWAYZE, although i don't like the new album as much, its still really good, it's got good beats. 2. GIRL TALK, i've been listening to it for probs two weeks now, and still really really into him, this guy really knows how to make it pop. 3. this is only one song, but it's YOU GIVE ME SOMTHING by james morrison, its just so mellow ( i wish i could play the guitar for it)

8. alright lastly guys, i talked to my parents over msn for the first time today, it was pretty exciting, showed them my room, my decorations, and how much neater i am now than i was before, oh man i'm excited to go back and get some real home gourmet food..its gonna be amazing

9. final shout out to daniel kong and your BLACK RENASSAINCE, (yeah i feel like i probably spelt that wrong), anyway so you've gotten me into fashion now, which i really love, so thanks for all your cool critiques on the fashion shows =D...p.s. i think you are a amazing person n i really don't know how you do so many things at the same time, and still do it so well....crazy!!


alright so here's it, my 2 o'clock distraction - rant.... will be updating pretty often now i think...

oh and question, hows my new lay out? let me know!!!!

What an EXCITING day!

Alright so today I finally creeped the Fringe filming crew today at UBC, after missing it last week.

And if you didn't know, Fringe is one of my favourate TV shows, along with Gossip Girl and Super Natural. Well here's a little intro to what fringe is, since a lot of you have never even heard of the show before

So the show happens around the "Fringe" devision in FBI, who investigates the "Pattern", which is whole bunch of uber crazy science experiments done on human, so that they have these crazy abilities to affect other people, to grow uber fast, or cause other people to die in really strange ways. The main characters on the show are Olivia Dunham - FBI agent, Walter Bishop - crazy scientist who used to work for the government, and Peter Bishop - uber smart dude, and also son of Walter Bishop.

Anyway, so I talked to this Production Assistant dude about the show, he doesn't really know what's going on, but he did tell me that fringe is now mostly filmed in Vancouver till March, so I've got plenty of time to meet the main characters =D, since a lot of it will be filmed in UBC too!!

oh and i've snapped a few pics of the production trailers and these "FBI" dudes in their black suits with their black sedans, but didn't see any action tho, oh well, i've gotten lots of time to creep

oh and thanks to roomie Alessia, Laura and Thomas for texting about the trailers. I probably would've missed it again. =( so thanks guys =D

First Blog?

so here's my first blog, although i really should be studying for econ.

Damn there's so much to know and so little time, i really don't know how i'm gonna pull this one so wish me luck guys?

well so i'm gonna make this entry a short one so i can get back to econ

ps. i need to take another course for next semester, so physics or visual art? let me know!