the journey of growing up

something finally came over and hit me today, i'd say it's quite late for this feeling and attitude, but hey better late then never =) so i've been saying stuff like "work hard and play hard", but the truth is that i guess i never really understood the full context of it, working hard doesn't mean "i think i've worked hard enough for today", rather it really should be let's set an ALMOST impossible goal, and let's get'er done!

seeing that my summer is pretty much half way done and i've honestly not done much, not the work hard part, nor the play hard part (but good thing is that i still have 2 more months to make up for all the lost time) i just need to set my goal in short terms, and accomplish each task one day at a time, cuz the things that i need to do, I REALLY NEED TO DO!!

one more thing for today, my 3 year contract with the worst cell phone carrier (telus) is finally over today, so me and my parents actually went to futureshop to look for new plans and cells, but some shenanigan took place and bottom line i wasn't able to get the phone i wanted and we got into a huge fight, and turned into one gigantic lecture on life AGAIN

what we really fought about was the attitude towards life, it's the battle of the eastern vs. western. everyday i'm taught to live your life, to live your life to the fullest and live your life as if it was your last. that's what i know from living in canada, but that's not what my parents want, they want me to live my life as it was a preparation for tomorrow, "it's worth it to sacrifice some social life, some friends, some fun to make sure that i will have all the fancy cars, house, jewels in the future", that i don't disagree either, but there's gotta be a balance. I'M ONLY 19, i don't know what i want in the future yet, i don't have all the experience you had to want you want for me. i don't need the million house nor the extravagant porches. what i want right now is what every other young person wants, to enjoy life as it is, to be reckless and young and exciting. this is the most exhilarating age in my life, i can't be so worried about my future that i don't do anything. i'm not saying that i'm gonna be stupid and party all day and night and brush my teeth with a bottle of jack. i'm still gonna work hard, to ensure that i will have the time and money when i grow up to also enjoy life, but i can't think that far ahead, you will never know what will happen in the future, the best i can do right now, is just do what i gotta do for the next couple little while, make sure that i'm not doing something so stupid that will ruin me for the rest of my life.

i wanna love so hard nothing else matters, i wanna cry so hard that i can barely catch my breath

i wanna get drunk on a beach and wake up in the morning covered in sand

i wanna go on trips just because i feel like it for the second

i wanna start dancing in the middle of the mall just because

but in the end

i still need to finish my tasks that is only possible if i'm 100% focused and not distracted by anything

i need to study so hard that by doing so my future will be just that little bit better, easier